The Language Of Rage: How To Channel The Positivity Of Anger

Everyone gets angry from time to time; it’s a normal, powerful and universal human emotion. It’s also a complex and misunderstood emotion: it’s usually seen as negative and destructive. Children who get angry frequently are told that they need to ‘conquer their temper.’ Adults who lose their rag often feel ashamed afterwards.

However, anger can have both positive and negative qualities, and it’s not an emotion that we should try to eliminate from our psyche: in fact, this would be dangerous, as unexpressed anger will find other more corrosive ways to manifest.  Here’s a look at some strategies for working with anger, rather than against it. 

Anger Vs aggression

First of all, it’s important to understand the difference between anger and aggression, because the two are often used interchangeably yet they are not the same thing. Anger is a hostile emotion that usually flares up when we feel threatened, disrespected or powerless in some way, such as being singled out for criticism, or a careless driver pulls out in front of us.

It is often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hunched shoulders, clenched jaws and a rapid heartbeat. When we express anger, we might shout, curse, or deploy sarcasm, slam doors or throw things. However, it can also be turned in on ourselves, and manifest as physical ailments such as digestive problems, or self-harm or anxiety. 

Aggression on the other hand is an intentional behaviour that plays a much stronger role in  destructive actions such as physical violence, bullying, or coercive control. Anger usually flares up and subsides quickly, but aggression is premeditated and more often results in long-term harm. 

When anger can be useful

Anger has evolved as a way to alert ourselves and others to strong feelings. Sometimes, this can be a useful way of avoiding danger (such as yelling at a child who runs out into the road) or to right a moral injustice such as racism or sexism. It can also help us to recognise when our own needs are being disrespected or threatened.

Learning to use anger appropriately

As we have seen, anger can be useful, and infrequent and moderate outbursts are nothing to worry about. However, if you find that your anger is becoming regular and intense, it can damage relationships with family and friends, and count against you in professional situations. This kind of anger is also more likely to evolve into aggressive behaviours.

Suppressing angry feelings isn’t the answer, because the emotion doesn't dissipate, it festers into passive aggression, chronic stress, anxiety or burnout. Therefore the key is to learn how to deal with your anger in a positive way.

Recognise your triggers

Notice if certain situations or people tend to spark off uncontrollable anger in you. It may not be possible to eliminate these from your life, but it can help you to become more mentally prepared to step away and calm yourself down before reacting. 

For example, if you know that you are more likely to blow up when you get home from work feeling tired and hungry, tell your family to leave you alone for the first 20 minutes or so while you unwind and have a snack. 

Develop grounding techniques 

When you first notice the first signs of a red mist descending, take action rather than allowing it to engulf you. This could be taking a few deep breaths, physically removing yourself from the trigger, using visualisation techniques, or slowly repeating a mantra such as ‘let it go’ as you take slow measured breaths. 

Look for a solution

Anger can often be resolved by a deeper or more rational understanding of a situation. Look for a logical and manageable solution to the problem, rather than just getting angry about it. 

Express your feelings when you are calmer

We may have a good reason to feel angry, so it’s not always appropriate to just let it slide. Instead, when you have had time for logical reflection, express your feelings calmly but assertively. However, stick to ‘I’ statements and avoid placing blame. 

Anger with more complex drivers

We all get angry, but sometimes the root causes of the anger are harder to unpack. This may be because they lie in a dysfunctional childhood environment, or are due to past traumas or betrayals. If you are having difficulty in learning how to deal with your anger alone or it feels out of control, then you may benefit from professional help. 

At our London clinic, we specialise in a type of psychotherapy called Internal Family Systems, which is designed to help people heal the injured parts of their psyche and gain a deeper insight into entrenched emotional problems.