Fail Better: Why We Need To Face Our Fears & Try New Things

We’ve all heard the phrase “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” The Irish writer Samuel Beckett puts the sentiment rather more eloquently: "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." 

Although the words were written as part of a piece of fiction, Beckett had struggled to get his writing taken seriously. Despite this, he persevered and went on to become one of the most celebrated writers of the 20th century. Yet many of us can relate to the feelings that plagued  Beckett for most of his life. 

Whether you want to join a new yoga class or start a whole new career, fear can often sabotage our attempts. So why do we become so afraid of mastering new skills or breaking away from unhelpful habits, especially as we get older? 

Why first attempts feel so scary

Fear is not a flaw; it’s part of our survival system. Deep in the brain sits the amygdala, often described as the “alarm bell” of our nervous system. When we face something uncertain, the amygdala floods our body with signals: a racing heart, sweaty palms, tense muscles. 

This system is brilliant when we’re in actual danger, but it’s far less useful when what we’re facing is a work presentation or starting a difficult conversation. At the same time, another part of our brain — the prefrontal cortex — is capable of reasoning, planning, and perspective-taking. 

When fear rises, the prefrontal cortex can be temporarily overridden, making it hard to think clearly. This is why first attempts can feel overwhelming.

Neuroplasticity: the science of trying again

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to form new neural pathways based on experience. Each time we face a fearful situation and survive it, the brain learns that the threat was not as dangerous as imagined. Over time, these new “safety” pathways can grow stronger, while fear-based ones fade.

Psychologists call this process “fear extinction.” It doesn’t mean we’ll never feel nervous again, but it does mean the fear loses its dominance. Like strengthening a muscle, repetition helps. Each small attempt teaches the brain something new, gradually shifting the balance from fear to confidence.

Why avoidance makes fear stronger

Avoidance often feels like relief in the moment. If giving a presentation makes your heart pound, cancelling it can make you instantly calmer. However, each time we avoid something that makes us feel uncomfortable, the brain learns that avoidance is the solution. This reinforces the fear circuit.

Over time, avoidance shrinks our world. What started as skipping a presentation can spiral into avoiding meetings altogether. The brain has essentially been “trained” to fear the situation more, not less. The only way to break this cycle is to re-train the brain through safe, repeated exposure.

How therapy helps the brain relearn

At our Harley Street therapist practice, we work with clients to help them understand the mental habits that feed their fears, and provide them with the tools to move beyond these blocks. 

Several therapeutic approaches help:

• Gradual exposure – Taking small, manageable steps toward what’s feared, rather than jumping straight into the deep end.

• Reframing – Shifting perspective so that first attempts are seen not as tests of worth but as opportunities to learn.

• Mindfulness – Training the brain to notice fear without being controlled by it, building tolerance for discomfort.

• Celebrating small wins – Each step forward reinforces safety circuits in the brain, even if it feels tiny.

Therapy provides both structure and emotional safety, making it easier for clients to face fears with support.

Practical tips for trying again

If you’re facing something daunting, here are a few strategies to help your brain relearn safety:

• Start smaller than you think. Break the challenge down into micro-steps. If social anxiety makes parties overwhelming, start with a coffee with one friend.

• Name the fear. Simply acknowledging, “My amygdala is on high alert right now” can give you more control and help shift activity back to the rational prefrontal cortex.

• Pair fear with calm. Use grounding exercises, such as slow breathing or focusing on your senses, while facing the feared situation.

• Expect discomfort. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear instantly but to learn that you can survive it.

• Track progress. Keep a journal of attempts, no matter how small. Seeing evidence of growth reinforces new neural pathways.

  
  

The courage of first attempts

As Samuel Beckett reminds us, it’s not “success” that matters. Every time we face a fear and choose to try again, we are literally reshaping our brains. Neuroplasticity means that change is always possible, whether we are six years old or sixty. And if at first you don’t succeed, learn how to fail better.