How To Manage Holiday Expectations And Truly Recalibrate

Many of us will have a holiday coming up that we have looked forward to for months: the prospect of escape from the everyday routine of commuting, deadlines and domestic duties. But sometimes the longed-for change doesn’t have the effect we hoped: we feel oddly unsettled, anxious, or just disconnected from the happy vibes we expected to have. 

This isn’t because you are doing something wrong: it’s not always easy to neatly unpack our emotional luggage at the holiday destination. Here’s a look at some of the reasons why this happens, and how to truly get the relaxation and joy from your time away that you deserve.

Why holidays can be surprisingly unsettling

Once the stress and excitement of the journey and settling into your accommodation has settled down, you might expect to pour yourself a glass of something cold, put your feet up and feel blissfully carefree for the next week or two. However, the reality is often that the same old thoughts and worries soon resurface.

This mental noise can be frustrating after months of anticipating lazy lie-ins and sipping cocktails by the pool in the afternoon. Why can’t you relax and enjoy yourself? Unfortunately, it’s not always so simple to leave our emotions behind. In fact, the sudden falling away of everyday duties can mean that neglected inner demons start to surface. 

Sometimes, the pressure to be enjoying every minute and posting happy photos on social media can be the enemy of a relaxing break: you feel guilty or disappointed for not feeling those holiday vibes. The people we are with can also be a source of friction, particularly if there are unexpressed tensions or mismatched expectations. 

Whatever the source of discomfort, it’s because we take our real selves on holiday with us and all the messy human emotions that go with it, rather than some idealised vacation-ready version. 

How to manage expectations on holiday

Let go of perfection 

We invest precious time, money and emotions into our holidays, and it’s difficult not to have high expectations in return. However, letting go of perfection and learning how to be present in the moment can mean the difference between a pleasant and relaxing time, and a disappointing experience that you feel little benefit from.

Don’t over schedule

If you have a busy lifestyle, it can be tempting to take the same approach to a holiday: planning activities for every minute of the day and following a rigid schedule. However, if you have unprocessed stress, your nervous system will never have time to properly unwind. This process can take a few days, or even a whole week.

For the first few days, factor in some unstructured time with room for spontaneity. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty about doing ‘nothing’. This will give your mind a chance to recalibrate, and eventually you will feel truly rested and chilled out. 

Let uncomfortable feelings in

If you feel unsettled or just not as happy as you expected, let yourself sit with the emotions for a minute or two. Notice what effect they are having on you, such as a clenched jaw or tight neck muscles. 

Keep a journal if your head feels busy and you need an outlet for unexpressed thoughts. This can help to unlock numbed emotions and help you feel more curious and open to moments of joy. As the holiday goes on, you will gain a clearer perspective about what is and isn’t working for you in your everyday life.

Identify potential sources of anxiety

Sometimes, it’s the actual holiday that is a source of stress. Are you putting yourself under pressure to fly long distances to an exotic location, or pay a lot of money for a fashionable resort to impress your social circle? 

If this is the case, think more carefully about your next choice of destination: your holiday is about you, not a status signifier. Stop chasing misplaced lifestyle envy: if you secretly dream of spending two weeks in a cottage on the Outer Hebrides rather than lying on a sunlounger in the Maldives, go for it. 

Making changes last

The fresh insights we gain on holiday can give us the motivation to introduce lasting changes to our lives, such as breaking an unhealthy habit or moving on from a relationship. If you would like some support with these transformations, you might benefit from Internal Family Systems therapy, which we offer at our London clinic.