Male Silence: Why Do So Many Men Struggle to Ask for Help?

Every year on November 19th, International Men’s Day reminds us of the importance of supporting men’s wellbeing. The 2025 theme, “Celebrating Men and Boys,” encourages healthier lifestyles, stronger emotional foundations, and better role models for future generations. 

Yet despite this positive message, one issue continues to surface again and again: the profound difficulty many men have with asking for help.

A recent survey for BUPA found that less than a quarter of men who struggle with their mental health would talk to friends about it, and more than half admitted that perceived stigma would prevent them from seeking professional help. 

Mental health conditions are complex, and it’s not possible to pin men’s problems entirely on the unique pressures of being male in 2025. 

However, there are some deeply concerning statistics that suggests gender is playing a role:  Tragically, suicide is the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 in the UK, and men are three times as likely as women to take their own lives. 

So what’s going on here? Understanding why men struggle to reach out isn’t about criticism; it’s about recognising the deep emotional conditioning many boys grow up with and learning how to build a new relationship with vulnerability.

The “be strong” script starts early

From childhood, boys often receive messages, subtle or explicit, that emotions must be contained. They’re told to be brave, to be independent, to “man up,” to stop crying. Parents rarely intend harm; often they’re repeating the same messages they once heard.

But these early lessons teach boys that expressing emotions is unsafe and that seeking comfort is shameful. As men grow older, this script becomes an internal pressure: I should be able to handle this alone.

Emotional pain often turns into silence

Many men don’t recognise their own emotional suffering until it becomes physically overwhelming. They may feel tension, irritability, tightness in the chest, disrupted sleep, or an inability to relax, long before they realise these experiences are emotional in nature.

When you’ve been taught your whole life not to talk about your inner world, distress becomes something to endure, not something to share.

Men often fear being a burden

A theme that appears frequently in questionnaires or therapy is the belief that asking for help makes a man a problem for others. Culturally, men are encouraged to be protectors and providers; the one who supports, not the one who needs support. 

This entrenched social role can lead to a deep reluctance to share struggles, even with close partners or friends. Many men would rather shoulder overwhelming stress silently than risk feeling like they’re letting someone down.

Vulnerability has been tied to weakness

For many men, vulnerability has been framed as dangerous. They fear being dismissed, misunderstood, or judged, and they fear losing respect. It isn’t that men don’t feel emotions; it’s that they fear the consequences of showing them.

In reality, vulnerability isn't about weakness; it requires courage, honesty, and the willingness to be seen. But shifting from shame to openness takes time and support.

Male friendships often lack emotional depth

Research shows that many adult men have friendships built around shared activities rather than emotional support. They might play sports, go to the pub, talk about work or hobbies, but rarely talk about fears, sadness, loneliness, burnout, or relationship concerns.

Without these emotional outlets, problems may manifest in unhealthy behaviours such as anger, aggression, self harm or addiction. 

How therapy helps men open up

Therapy, and variants such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a confidential, non-judgmental space where men can speak freely about what they’ve never expressed. It provides:

• Language for emotions, helping men understand what they feel

• Tools for managing stress, anger, or anxiety

• Support in building healthier relationships

• A space to explore identity, pressure, and expectations

• Validation and permission to be human, not a machine

Once men begin talking, they often discover a huge sense of relief, not because the problem disappears but because they’re not carrying it alone.

Creating a new model of strength

The idea that strength means silence is outdated and damaging. True strength includes:

• Being honest about limits

• Accepting support

• Knowing when to rest

• Using healthier coping mechanisms instead of numbing

• Modelling vulnerability for sons and younger men

As we celebrate International Men’s Day, we can encourage a new definition of masculinity: one that allows men to feel, to express, to rest, and to seek help without shame.