When You Change the Way You Look at Things, the Things You Look at Change: The Paradigm Shift of Internal Family Systems Therapy

The famous quote by Wayne Dyer—“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”—captures a profound truth about perception and transformation. It suggests that our reality isn’t fixed but shaped by our perspective.

This idea resonates deeply with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a revolutionary approach to mental health that redefines how we understand the human psyche, therapy, and healing from conditions like trauma, anxiety, and depression.

Unlike traditional modalities that often pathologize symptoms or focus on suppressing them, IFS invites us to view the mind as a harmonious multiplicity, a family of inner “parts” led by an innate, compassionate Self. This paradigm shift isn’t just theoretical; it’s a practical path to profound healing, as evidenced by growing research and countless personal stories.

Understanding Internal Family Systems Therapy: A New Lens on the Psyche

Internal Family Systems therapy was developed in the 1980s by Richard Schwartz, a family therapist who noticed striking parallels between family dynamics and the internal world of his clients.

While working with individuals struggling with eating disorders, Schwartz observed that clients described conflicting inner voices or “parts” that seemed to operate like family members - some protective, others wounded, and all vying for control. This led him to conceptualise the mind not as a singular entity (the mono-mind) but as a multiplicity: a natural, adaptive system of sub-personalities that evolve based on life experiences.

At the heart of IFS is the belief that the mind is inherently multiple, and this multiplicity is a strength, not a flaw. Think of it like an internal family: each part has its own role, motivations, and burdens, shaped by past events. There are three main types of parts:

• Exiles: These are the vulnerable, often child-like parts that carry the weight of trauma, shame, fear, or pain from early experiences. They are “exiled” or suppressed because their emotions feel overwhelming.

• Managers: Protective parts that work proactively to keep the system stable. They might manifest as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or self-criticism to prevent exiles from surfacing and causing distress.

• Firefighters: Reactive protectors that jump in when exiles break through, using impulsive behaviours like substance use, binge eating, or anger outbursts to distract from the pain.

Overseeing this internal family is the Self—an undamaged, core essence present in everyone. The Self embodies the qualities of compassion, curiosity, calm, confidence, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness (the “8 Cs”). In IFS, the goal isn’t to get rid of parts but to help the Self lead them, unburdening them from extreme roles and allowing them to contribute positively.

This view of the psyche as a multiplicity marks a complete paradigm shift. Traditional psychology often sees internal conflict as dysfunction, a sign of disorder to be fixed. IFS, however, normalises it: multiplicity is how the mind adapts to survive.

As Schwartz puts it, “All parts are welcome.” This non-pathologizing stance empowers individuals to approach their inner world with curiosity rather than judgment, changing how they “look at” their struggles and, in turn, transforming those struggles.

How IFS Differs from Other Therapeutic Modalities

To appreciate IFS as a paradigm shift, it’s essential to contrast it with established therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), psychoanalysis, and even mindfulness-based approaches.

CBT, one of the most widely used modalities, focuses on identifying and challenging distorted thought patterns to change behaviors and emotions. It’s highly structured, evidence-based, and effective for short-term symptom relief in anxiety and depression.

However, CBT often treats symptoms as problems to be “fixed” through rational reframing, which can feel confrontational or dismissive of deeper emotional wounds. In contrast, IFS doesn’t battle thoughts; it dialogues with the parts generating them.

For instance, a self-critical thought isn’t just a cognitive distortion, it’s a manager part trying to protect an exiled wound. By addressing the root motivation with compassion, IFS achieves deeper, more sustainable change.

Psychoanalysis, rooted in Freud’s ideas, delves into the unconscious mind, exploring early childhood experiences and repressed desires to uncover hidden conflicts. While it shares IFS’s interest in the past, psychoanalysis can be lengthy, interpretive (with the therapist as the expert), and sometimes pathologizing, labelling aspects of the psyche as “id” or “superego” drives.

IFS flips this: the client is the expert, guided by their own Self to heal parts collaboratively. There’s no interpretation imposed; instead, parts are personified and given a voice, making the process more accessible and empowering.

Even compared to somatic therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which processes trauma through bilateral stimulation, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which teaches skills for emotional regulation, IFS stands out for its holistic integration of multiplicity.

EMDR excels at desensitising specific traumatic memories, but IFS goes further by harmonising the entire internal system affected by trauma. DBT provides tools for distress tolerance, yet IFS fosters self-leadership, where the Self naturally regulates emotions without external techniques.

What unites these differences is IFS’s emphasis on self-compassion and inner harmony over control or suppression. Traditional therapies often externalise healing (e.g., through therapist directives or skill-building), but IFS internalises it: change comes from shifting how you relate to your parts, embodying Dyer’s quote on a psychological level.

How IFS Therapy Works: A Step-by-Step Journey Inward

IFS sessions are collaborative and experiential, often feeling more like guided self-exploration than traditional talk therapy. The process follows the “6 Fs”: Find (identify a part), Focus (pay attention to it), Flesh out (understand its characteristics), Feel (explore emotions toward it), Befriend (approach with curiosity), and Fear (uncover what it fears if it changes).

A typical session might start with the therapist asking, “What part of you is showing up right now?” The client then “unblends” from the part—separating their awareness to observe it from the Self’s perspective. Techniques include internal dialogues, visualisations, or even role-playing where the client speaks as different parts. For example, someone with anxiety might dialogue with a manager part that’s constantly worrying to protect an exiled child part fearing abandonment.

In treating trauma, IFS is gentle and trauma-informed. Exiles holding traumatic memories are approached slowly, with protectors’ permission, allowing unburdening, releasing the pain without re-traumatisation.

For anxiety, it helps by revealing how firefighter parts (e.g., obsessive thoughts) are reacting to underlying fears, fostering calm through Self-leadership. Depression often stems from burdened exiles or harsh managers; IFS unburdens them, restoring energy and hope.

Research supports IFS’s efficacy. In 2015, it was recognised as evidence-based by the National Registry for Evidence-Based Programs and Practices. Studies show improvements in depression symptoms among young women and enhanced self-compassion in rheumatoid arthritis patients with comorbid mental health issues. While more large-scale trials are needed, its growing adoption in clinical settings underscores its promise.

Conclusion: Embracing Multiplicity for Lasting Change

In a world quick to label mental health struggles as disorders, IFS offers a refreshing paradigm: change the way you look at your inner world, from conflict to collaboration, and that world changes. By recognising the multiplicity of the psyche, IFS shifts therapy from fixing to harmonising, treating trauma, anxiety, and depression at their roots. The benefits—deeper self-awareness, emotional resilience, and compassionate relationships—are life-altering, as seen in research and real stories.

If you’re seeking a transformative approach, consider IFS. It’s more than therapy; it’s an invitation to lead from your Self, proving Dyer’s wisdom: perspective is everything. As the field evolves, with IFS expanding globally through institutes and trainings, more will discover this path to inner peace. After all, when we change how we view our parts, they, and we, change for the better.

If you are interested in Internal Family Systems therapy, which we offer at our London clinic, please feel free to get in touch for more information.