Exploring the 6 F’s of Internal Family Systems Therapy: A Path to Inner Healing

If you’ve ever felt like your mind is a chaotic tangle of conflicting voices—one part of you wants to charge toward your goals, while another holds you back with doubt—you’re not alone. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy offers a powerful framework for understanding and harmonising these inner dynamics.

Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS is a transformative approach that views the mind as an internal family of "parts," each with its own role, feelings, and intentions. At the heart of this model lies a compassionate process known as the 6 F’s—a roadmap to connect with these parts and foster healing from within.

In this blog, we will explore the 6 F’s of IFS Therapy and give you a glimpse into what a typical IFS session looks like for a client. Whether you’re curious about personal growth or considering therapy yourself, this guide will shed light on how IFS can help you navigate your inner world with clarity and kindness.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

Before we jump into the 6 F’s, let’s set the stage. IFS is built on the idea that our psyche is made up of multiple sub-personalities, or "parts," that interact like members of a family. Some parts might be protective, like a cautious manager keeping you safe from risk.

Others might carry pain, like an exiled child holding onto past wounds. And then there’s the "Self"—the essence of who we really are—a calm, confident core that’s naturally equipped to lead and heal when given the chance.

The goal of IFS isn’t to eliminate these parts (they’re all valuable!) but to help them work together harmoniously under the leadership of the Self. It’s a bit like being the conductor of an orchestra—every instrument has its place, and when they’re in tune, the music flows beautifully.

Now, let’s explore the 6 F’s—the key steps IFS uses to engage with these parts and bring balance to your inner system.

The 6 F’s of IFS Therapy

The 6 F’s are a structured yet flexible process that therapists and clients use to connect with parts, understand their roles, and release burdens they may carry. Here’s what each "F" stands for and how it works:

1. Find

The first step is to locate a part that’s active in your system. This might be a part you notice through a strong emotion—like anxiety buzzing in your chest—or a recurring thought, like "I’m not good enough." You simply turn your attention inward and ask, "What’s showing up for me right now?" The therapist might guide you with questions like, "Where do you feel that in your body?" or "What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you focus on this feeling?"

For example, you might "find" a part that’s tense and jittery before a big presentation. It’s there, waiting to be noticed.

2. Focus

Once you’ve found a part, you zoom in on it. This means giving it your full attention without judgment. What does it feel like? Does it have a shape, a colour, or a texture in your mind? Maybe that jittery part feels like a tight knot in your stomach or looks like a nervous little bird flapping around. Focusing helps you get curious and present with the part, setting the stage for a deeper connection.

3. Flesh Out

Next, you explore the part’s story. What’s it like? How old does it feel? What does it want you to know? This is where you "flesh out" its personality and purpose. That jittery bird might reveal it’s been around since you were a kid, trying to protect you from embarrassment after a tough moment in school. By listening without rushing to fix it, you start to understand why it’s showing up now.

4. Feel Toward

Here’s where compassion comes in. You check in with how you feel toward this part. Are you annoyed at it for making you anxious? Scared of what it might say? The therapist might ask, "How do you feel toward this part right now?" If there’s resistance—like frustration or fear—you’ll gently work to soften that, often by inviting the Self to step in with curiosity and care. The goal is to approach the part with warmth, not criticism.

5. Befriend

This step is about building trust. You let the part know you’re here for it, not against it. You might say (in your mind or out loud), "I see how hard you’ve been working to keep me safe." That jittery bird might calm down a bit, realising you’re not going to shoo it away. Befriending a part opens the door to collaboration—it’s no longer an enemy but an ally with good intentions, even if its methods (like anxiety) feel disruptive.

6. Fear

Finally, you explore what the part fears. Every part has a job, and it’s usually scared of what might happen if it stops doing that job. The jittery bird might fear that if it stops making you anxious, you’ll fail spectacularly and face rejection. By understanding its fears, you can reassure it and help it let go of old burdens. This often leads to a profound shift—maybe the part relaxes, or it transforms into something lighter, like a quiet companion instead of a frantic messenger.

How Does an IFS Therapy Session Work?

So, what does this look like in practice? Let’s walk through a typical IFS session from a client’s perspective.

Getting Started

You sit down with your therapist—either in person or online—and start by checking in. Maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by work, or a recent argument left you rattled. The therapist listens and invites you to turn inward: "What’s coming up for you as you talk about that?" There’s no rush; the pace is gentle and guided by your comfort.

Identifying a Part

Together, you pinpoint a part to work with. Let’s say you feel a heaviness in your chest when you talk about work. The therapist might ask, "Can you focus on that heaviness? What do you notice?" You describe it—maybe it’s a tight, gray lump. That’s the "Find" and "Focus" steps in action.

Engaging with the Part

As you "Flesh Out" this part, you might realise it feels young—like a kid who’s scared of disappointing someone. The therapist guides you: "How do you feel toward it?" If you’re frustrated, they might say, "Can we ask that frustrated part to step back for a moment so we can connect with the scared one?" A process called 'unblending' where the Self has an opportunity to shine through, bringing calm and curiosity.

Building Connection

You "Befriend" the part by acknowledging its efforts: "I get that you’re trying to protect me from failure." Then, you explore its "Fear": "What are you worried will happen if you relax?" Maybe it’s terrified you’ll lose your job and end up alone. The therapist helps you reassure it: "I’m here now, and I can handle this. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore."

Healing and Integration

As the part feels seen and safe, it might release its burden—like that gray lump softening or even dissolving. This doesn’t mean the part disappears; it just finds a new, healthier role. The session might end with you feeling lighter, more grounded, and better equipped to face work without that old heaviness dragging you down.

Between Sessions

IFS isn’t just for the therapy room. You might practice checking in with your parts on your own—say, noticing when that scared part pops up and giving it a quick, compassionate nod. Over time, this builds a stronger connection to your Self and a more balanced inner family.

Why IFS Resonates

What makes IFS so compelling is its nonjudgmental lens. There are no "bad" parts—only parts doing their best with what they know. The 6 F’s offer a clear, repeatable way to engage with them, turning inner conflict into collaboration. For clients, an IFS session feels less like fixing something broken and more like rediscovering a natural capacity for healing that’s been there all along.

If you’re intrigued, consider chatting with an IFS-trained clinician or exploring resources like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. Your inner family might just be waiting for you to say hello.