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Staying Emotionally Grounded In The Modern Dating Scene

Writer's picture: Alexander JamesAlexander James

The world of modern dating can feel daunting, particularly if you’ve just come out of a long term relationship and are looking for love again, or are still searching for the right person. As the shops fill up with Valentine’s cards and gifts, this can add to the pressure and increase the sense of isolation, disappointment and loneliness. 


While in some ways it’s never been easier to meet prospective romantic partners thanks to the immediacy of social media and the variety offered by dating apps, it seems that it’s also never been more complicated. 


Here’s a look at some of the most common toxic behaviours and trends in the modern dating scene that can take a toll on your mental health, and how to protect your emotions and stay grounded.


Ghosting

Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off all contact with no explanation, usually when there have been no warning signs that the relationship might be faltering, and they do not respond to further attempts at communication. This can be confusing and hurtful, particularly if you have heavily invested in the relationship and were feeling excited about the future. 


There are a few reasons why people ghost: it may be that they are afraid of a difficult conversation; or they have a ‘consumerist’ attitude to dating and have decided to move on to someone else. Ghosting is essentially an immature and disrespectful behaviour, so if it happens to you, maybe you had a lucky escape: it says more about them than you.


Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone is giving you mixed signals about their level of interest in the relationship. They enjoy your attention and encourage it, but they can also be distant or inconsistent in their behaviour. It’s closely related to a ‘situationship’, where one partner is less willing to commit to a meaningful relationship and wants to keep their options open. 


This is manipulative behaviour and you deserve better, so it’s better to move on than hope they will change.


Love bombing

If someone you have recently met showers you with attention and compliments early in the relationship, it can feel exciting and as if you have finally found ‘the one.’ However, if the person suddenly changes their tune and becomes excessively demanding or controlling, this is a huge red flag.


Healthy relationships take time to evolve, so maintain your boundaries in the early stages and trust your instincts if their words or gestures seem to be over the top or insincere. 


When it’s more complicated

Sometimes, deeper and more complicated emotional or psychological problems can stop us from making meaningful connections with others, romantic or otherwise. This might be especially true if you have had a negative experience in a past relationship, such as a narcissistic partner. 


This can be a very difficult situation to work through alone, and you might like to consider working with an Internal Family Systems therapist in London to explore your issues and move towards healing. 


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