Why Summer Isn’t Always Shiny & Happy…& What To Do About It

It’s looking hopeful that we will have a barbecue summer this year, and the sun seems to put many people in a good mood. Plans and invitations are flying around, and life can feel lighter and easier. However, it can also be a difficult time for some people, as the extra social energy throws their own inner struggles into sharper relief. 

Here’s a look at some of the issues— often easier to hide away during the colder months— that can pile on pressure and even lead to a crisis point. If any of these points resonate with you, or you have a long term emotional issue that you are battling with, you might be interested in exploring therapy such as Internal Family Systems. 

FOMO: Fear of missing out at a whole new level

During the summer months, social media is full of posts of people ‘living their best life’ and enjoying weddings, beach parties, or outdoor adventures. If you notice that a friendship group or even complete strangers seem to be having a great time and you’re not included, it can send FOMO into overdrive.

However, FOMO can be a sign not that you are missing out, but that it’s time to rethink your personal goals and values. Do you really want to be at that picnic/barbecue/whatever, or are your fears trying to tell you something deeper? Use the emotional energy to think about what you really want to be doing, not just what you feel you ought to be doing to impress others.

For example, is there a neglected interest or friendship in your life that you want to reconnect with? What are your personal values, strengths and talents? Engaging in activities that you are genuinely passionate about and invested in is more likely to enhance your sense of self and help you form more meaningful relationships with others. 

Set boundaries where you limit your screen time and avoid scrolling through social media. If you do continue to engage with it, remind yourself that it's a highly curated medium and people only show the best version of themselves. It might seem like everyone is having more fun than you, but it’s only one side of the story. 

SAD: not just for winter

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that is linked to changing seasons, and it’s most often associated with late autumn and early winter as the nights draw in and the weather is cold and gloomy. However, it can also strike in the summer, and this might feel especially painful as everyone else seems to be happy and thriving. 

Often, people with SAD are still able to function and get through their day to day duties, but they feel a sense of disconnect and emotional numbness. The causes of summer SAD are not clear, but it may be linked to disruption of circadian rhythms with light evenings and mornings, heat intolerance or body image issues.

Summer SAD may even be linked to the increased pressure to be bright and breezy during summer, and frustration or disappointment if we simply don’t feel this way. This is not something to be ashamed of, and burying your feelings is not a solution. Focus on those small moments that bring you joy, and be prepared to reach out for support if you need it. 

Social anxiety: nowhere to hide

It can be easier to avoid dealing with social situations in late winter and early spring: the Christmas party season is over and there’s less pressure to be out and about. However, social anxiety feeds off avoidance, because you never learn to challenge the fear of being judged or not being ‘perfect.’ 

Remind yourself that you don’t need to be the life and soul of the party, and there are no right or wrong ways to behave (aside from general courtesy towards others, which socially anxious people tend to have plenty of). If there’s an event that you’ve been dreading, challenge yourself to show up for 30 minutes or an hour.

Use grounding techniques to help overcome any intense moments. Socially anxious people tend to be excessively focused on themselves, so try to notice what is going on around you. Engage your senses: what can you hear, smell, touch or see? Notice how the room is decorated if you are inside, or what people around you are saying or wearing. 

Remember that finding summer difficult isn’t something to feel a failure about: there are no rules about how to feel, and it can be an opportunity to address long-buried issues or make positive changes.